BRYCE GOES PORN & RELATIONSHIPS

Thursday, March 28, 2019

Pornography. That word makes every ounce of my being shudder. I don’t really hate a lot of things, but this, this I hate.

Now, I didn’t always used to have such a strong reaction to pornography. In fact, I used to watch it. I was under the impression, like so many others, that pornography helps to enhance our sex lives.

In today's world, pornography is ubiquitous. Not only do we have traditional porn websites, we also have sites where users post videos and images at no cost to either the poster or the viewer. In today’s modern world there's a lot of porn to look at and a lot of people are looking at it, especially men, with little to no thought of the harm either to themselves or their partner.

As a baseline, porn can distort people’s perceptions of sex, intimacy, body image, and sexual performance. Furthermore, research is shedding light on a previously little-known fact about porn: it’s harmful to a consumer’s brain. Thanks to all the research that has been done in recent years, people are finally starting to realize that pornography is toxic.

Sure, you might be a single young (or older) adult and not feel this applies to you (it does), but for those single or not, porn use carries weight.

The research on porn affecting how consumers view them self, their partner, and their relationships is becoming prevalent. When people consume porn, it not only warps their view of others and how they make others (particularly their partner) feel, but it also twists their view of themselves.

Furthermore, the people represented in these films are often broken themselves, and the porn business only serves to further exploit those it portrays. 

First and foremost, in monogamous relationships looking at porn does count as cheating, unless you and your partner have openly discussed and explicitly agreed to it.

Generally speaking, porn use decreases both relationship and sexual satisfaction. A healthy relationship fosters trust and a deep connection, but porn often presents itself as a glass barrier. You can see through it, so what could be so bad? I remember the first time holding an open conversation about it. I set it aside and dismissed it as innocent. But, over time it felt worse and worse. The distance between myself felt greater, and I couldn’t imagine the distance it would put between a partner and I (whether felt by me or the other). 

According to Psychology Today, “Porn-free relationships are stronger, with a lower rate of infidelity.” This is in part because watching porn diminishes relationship trust and commitment. This leads to the breaking of the glass wall, and the pieces leave nothing short of a mess. 

Are you comfortable watching porn with your partner (and is your partner comfortable with it)? If you both are, chances are your relationship will suffer less; however, if not, some level of covering and hiding will take place even if each partner is openly aware of porn usage. 

Porn may also lead to a higher likelihood of sexting in real life with other people. It’s all online, right? Nothing more than pictures and videos, right? So what’s their  difference between viewing the hot guy online or the hot guy from the office (it’s all online, after all)? To your partner, probably not much.

This may cause self esteem issues to develop or fester in the other partner. Feelings of their own body not ever being able to compete with the airbrushed, perfectly staged actors flood. Wondering why they aren’t good enough to cause their partner to kick the porn bucket for the last time fly by. 

Does all this sound healthy to you - that is for you to decide. 

You might want to keep that in mind if you’ve been watching the hard stuff or if you've become inured to seeing your partner just flip open his laptop "just for fun.”

The long-heard “porn kills love” mantra is not a fairytale, but a very real reality.

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